my nonexistent love life

 Hello my muses, 

Today, I would like to introduce a new character to my blog - Ross Lynch dupe. He's somewhat of a crush of mine................ and I guess this post will be dedicated to him. My friends and I have assigned this nickname for him for obvious reasons, he lowkey looks like Ross Lynch. Oh and by the way they judge me heavily for my taste in men. Now, there's not much I can say that won't reveal his identity but I'll see what I can do. Sometimes when I am feeling especially delusional, I tell myself that the eye contact we make is because he wants me. I sound insane and I probably am. Anyway... I love myself a CHALANT man. Someone who is funny and goofy and does nawt take life too seriously and shows a lot of care for everything. My rage increases the tiniest bit when I see someone who is being nonchalant and ruins the vibes. Though I love my girl V, she's so nonchalant but she's so cool about it and is my greatest inspiration because she is insanely smart. 

My crushes have always been the same. I talk to the guy like once and fall hopelessly in love. Jokes. But they do go on for quite the while... longer than I'd like to admit. I start to notice them everywhere I go and I just can't help it. Now, I don't know how I'd feel if they'd actually talk to me because none of these crushes have ever gone anywhere. But it's fun to just be in this delusional stage. Does Ross Lynch dupe know I exist? Probably not. Do I care? Not really. Though he has liked my intsagram posts.....heheheheheh. STOP this is so embarrassing. Anything for the blog I guess. 

I lowkey feel uncomfortable when someone shows romantic affection towards me if I don't like them back. I remember this one time, when I was like 11 years old, my family went on a trip with some other family friends who I didn't really know that well. Out of all the kids, there were two others who were my age and they were both boys. One of them was talking to me and such and I got kinda uncomfortable. It didn't help that the other boy noticed and confirmed my thoughts by telling me he thought the guy was FLIRTING with me. That freaked me out. Also the first boy liked doing that fortnite dance which was popular at the time and so the whole situation classically conditioned me into hating that dance. Looking back, I don't know why I reacted to the situation in that way and so dramatically at that, but it really messed with my head. It's all good though, I will now greet any relationship with open arms. 

You know how Lara Jean writes love letters to say goodbye to her crushes? Well this is my love letter to RLD to free me from my delusions. 

Anyway, Ross Lynch dupe if you are reading this PLEASE erase it from your memory. To those who still have their memory, I will not be revealing his identity because that is too much for me. You will just have to settle with not knowing. This will forever be a mystery. 

Thanks for reading (unless you're RLD pls go away),

- Jessica


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